• I see many scenes.
• I must turn “shit into sugar.” I am hurting because of the fallen nature of this world and the struggle to make it ideal. I need to share my struggle. I need to share my story and maybe someone will hear it.
• I see it in three parts and each part having a different visual style.
• Maybe first part being a poem. (High angle)
• This being shot in extreme closeups outside from different angles. sideways , straight on. I want it to be passionate. I want my veins to be bulging. I want it to be outside I want it to be low aperature.
• finish with a story. (eye-level)
• Story on my first kiss.
• talk of the whole journey if possible. Talk of being 23 and not having a kiss. the stress it has caused. The distractions its produced. The insecurity. The resulting sensitivity. The resulting fear.
• Don’t necessarily tell the details of the kiss. But the narrative of how I got here. How I got to this night of my life.
• A sermon of sorts (Low Angle)
• Distill all of it down to the key lessons I have learned.
• Write the story first, the lessons second, then the poem.
• Shoot the video in the reverse chronological order. I shoot it with sermon first, then stroy, then poem. I get gradually more and more undressed. By the poem ime Im praying and most vulnerable and most naked. The sermon is an attempt to be stately. I’ll have a tie. The story is a rugged Ivy look. Tie is loose hair is rough.

Rough Draft.

1. Poem.

An innocent action can often lead to a new and noble experience.

Experience though, can only feed

if its processed by a sensitive resilience.

Your made to know what, you most need

but forget this wisdom through reason’s interference.

An innocent action can often lead

To a new and noble experience.

Experience, though, can only feed

When processed by sensitive resilience.

You're made to know what you most need,

But forget this wisdom through reason's interference.

1. Narrative.
• In some ways this was what life was building towards.
• Have you ever wanted something so badly, you were too impatient, and you took it before it was ready to bud?
• Have you
• I had been 23 for fifteen days, and I had finally gotten my first kiss. On one hand it was amazing.
• People never believe me, but it took me 23 years to get my first kiss. Here is the story of how I got it.
• Prologue. (Left of third)
• It seems the best place to begin would be to elaborate a bit on the foundational beliefs, that ever motivated to wait in the first place. It seems they were all either foundational fears or faiths. After I discuss these, I’ll actually tell you the story of my first kiss and why on one hand I am unhappy with it and on the other overjoyed.
• So, what were the core fears that made me wait so long? The first one that comes to mind is the primal fear of women. Either being rejected by them or the fear that they wouldn’t find me a good enough— a good enough kisser, partner, you name it. This fear of women still makes my hands tremor, my stomach tense, and my face blush every time I am in the presence of a gorgeous woman. And it is this most visceral of fears that was one of the strongest forces that led to my avoidance of women. However, there was another more emotional fear though. and it is that I was (and am now even more) terrified of feeling a physical connection to someone I feel no emotional or spiritual connection to. I am terrified of feeling attached and love-like emotions to someone whom I see no future with. Therefore, in what to me still seems like wisdom, but what to you may be perceived as fear, I normally avoid contact with women, who do not appear to me to be a potential candidates for the One. I fear this because it is primarily because of this disunity of heart and body that has historically led to so much emotional pain for me. And finally, there are a few great spiritual fears for me. First: I am horrified of not being nor becoming the man that is capable of winning the hand of my One. Second: I fear doing any action that would inhibit me from having the highest possible degree of trust and openness with my future One. And I see this fear as becoming a reality if I become emotionally bound to many women who are not her, the special one, or if I physically bind myself to many who are not her, the special one. And I feel this because time is relative it seems to me that at the largest scale of time the future has already happened and we are merely watching it unfold. Therefore, in a way I am already married to the One, and if that is the case any sexual or emotional misconduct now I see as a form of cheating.
• But this seems like a good transition into the faiths, the foundational beliefs, that have halted my first kiss. I guess the first faith, is the faith that is most often combatted by my rational mind, and that is the faith that there is a Special One for me. The belief that there has been a equal and opposite force born in reaction to my force of character and I born in response to hers. The belief that there is someone worth waiting for who will help me get approach much closer to my limit of wholeness. This has been a primary faith that kept me along the path. And this is the faith I lose first and most easily. And when this faith is lost I do go seeking fleeting forms of sexual and emotional gratification. The other faith will seem very obvious to most, and it is a faith in Virtue. Virtue has deep Biblical and Christian roots for me. Ultimately, it is a faith and a trust in the wisdom of the past and a knowledge that the more morally disciplined and difficult path, will always be the most fruitful and fulfilling.
• These are the faiths a fears most that have most obviously for me led to my late achievement of a first kiss.
• Exposition. (Middle of third)
• But let us not delay any further, if you are interested I would love to tell you the story of how happened to get this first kiss. There is this quote I recently heard that says “Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so.” I believe this to be true and the first circumstance that led to my acquisition of a kiss was this: a loss of optimism, specifically discouragement, in not having found the one, that led to a belief that there was no such thing as the one, which led to actions that were not in service to the one but in service to my desires. Simultaneously, I was also experiencing stronger longings than I ever had for a romantic connection. Just like how trees know when to bear fruit and women’s bodies know when its time to push, it is my belief and has been my experience that most processes in life happen this way. That our Nature will begin having strong urges that propel us into action so that the fruit can be born in it’s proper time. (Now I do believe this is a delicate process and that there are many factors that could increase the noise to signal ratio of your internal compass leading one astray and never capable of bearing fruit. I think remaining sensitive and attuned is the best way to stop this from happening, but more on this later.) So, with this being said. I have been feeling in my heart and spirit a strong desire to find my mate and begin my family. And this desire had become so strong that there had now been enough motivation to eliminate my fear of the beautiful feminine and attempt to integrate into myself. I would say that these two forces, a discouragement that there was no “One” and the strong innate desire to find a partner, led to my social awakening about a year ago. The desire to meet women made me a social butterfly and I began to start really enjoying hanging out with others and having a good time. I feel I became a genuine extrovert, something that would have seemed very foreign to my younger self, who needed so much time alone to sit and process his feelings. Now, all I wanted to do was gather as many “hands-on” experiences with life as I good. I wanted to get my hands dirty and really live. Once again the root motivation of all this was to meet the one, but nonetheless I did begin to enjoy living this way in general. Finally, this week I was very melancholic about my whole situation. Every night I would just lay in my bed and feel a deep emptiness and longing for a deep connection with a female. I have so many other great and close relationships in my life, an outsider would totally assume all of my emotional and spiritual needs are being met, but deep down I always yearn for a deep romantic love and relationship. So this week in a fit of desperation, I decided I would no longer wait for anyone special, I’d just make it my mission to get my first kiss this week. So this week I took every opportunity I saw to be courageous and cold-approach females I found attractive. Every single one went well and I left with their phone-numbers, but each time I could never get them to actually hangout with me one on one. Friday night though there was a rave and I went dressed in a funny but sexy looking outfit. I had on my little cousins 90’s or 200’s looking sunglasses. My mother’s silk-cheetah pajama pants, and a wife beater. The second I got there I immediately started socializing with interesting people and beautiful women. My friend group and I were having a great time and and we were dancing with zero consciousness and 100% enthusiasm. Finally another one of my friends showed up with another whole group of cool people. It was in this group that I met such a beautiful girl. She really looks exactly like kendall jenner and was just my type, but all of my friend swho knew her and me told me that we were completely different people oriented towards completely different things and that I should stay away. But Against better judgement I immediately begin flirting with her and she is reciprocating. At around this time we go outside and drink a little bit. Now, I rarely ever drink and I wasn’t planning on it this night, but it was free and I was having such a good time and I wanted to make it just a little more fun. I am very sensitive to alcohol though, and so I too three shots with my friends and by the time we were dancing again, everything felt more loose and intense. It was really nice. The dancing was so fun, but before I know it this girl I am flirting with is dancing with me, and next thing I know she’s dancing on me. She throwing it back on me and immediately I feel that I have just experienced the most pleasurable moment of my life, but I am a little nervous at first and really don’t want to do. But soon after my body take over and Im touching all over and bring her in closer and kissing her neck. I am surprising myself at uninhibited I am being and at how romantic I am being. After dancing for a while, though we get tired and go outside. Soon we are laying in the grass, and soon after that we after making out. I was so worried I wouldn’t know what to do, but was so surprised at how natural and perfect it all felt. The things were escalating very quickly, and I really didn’t want them to end ever. In that moment, I wished that time could stop and I could just do exactly that forever. But then one of our friends came break us up, but she wanted to keep going and so did I, but I had to think about what a truly wanted and be wise enough to head in that direction, so At our friends urging I accepted their advice and broke things off.
• Epilogue. (Right of third)
• After that though I just kept trying to position myself in a place with her that it could all happen again, but I think she knew what she really wanted this night I could not give to her because I had been pretty clear about it, and so from here on out she starts hanging out with this other dude, whom she works with, and who I know a little bit through a close friend. This dude is so much farther below her league it is crazy, but from here on out that who she was with and that is who she went home with. It was here that I knew my fears were in part valid. I, being so innocent, began to feel very strongly about her because I allowed things to get so physical. I knew deep down that she and i were not compatible in anyway, that I really shouldn’t care about her at all or like her in anyway. Yet, I felt so differently and I felt it all so strongly. It really crushed me just knowing that what was so special to me, was just anoher forgettable, common experience to her. The next day I was so upset because for these reasons. I obviously didn’t regret anything because I didn’t allow things to get beyond a level that I felt was morally acceptable, but I regreted it because now I did have to suffer the emotional conseques of my actions. And I am a very sensitive and strong-feeling man. I felt very depressed about the whole thing. It almost felt like grief, like I had to grieve the loss of such a precious moment, not the loss of innocence, but of all the future kisses I hoped I could share with her but that I knew deep down was in my best interest to avoid.
2. Sermon.

• You don’t know what you’ve got til its gone. one of the most innocent things to do is lose your innocence. Innocence generally lends itself to the acquisition of experience.
• Be wise, above else, dear children be wise. Trust the proper order of things, Trust your Emotions, and above all trust Virtue. Trust that it leads to exactly where you want and need to be. The children of the world do not heed wisdom. The heed their fleeting short term desire. They commit actions poor actions that make them feel worse and invest in people who continually abuse their soul making them feel bad yet again.
• They convince themselves that their emotional response to a wrong action is incorrect. They convince themselves that the wrong action was acceptable and normal. If the action is fine and good, then it is their emotional response to it that is faulty. So, in this way, they desensitize themselves. They put a disconnect between themselves and their emotions. They are no longer attuned. Sensitivity can be one’s prime virtue, it can be one’s guiding force if left uncorrupted by a faulty reason. Sensitivity leads you to warmth when your cold, and to the well when you thirst. At it’s highest function sensitivity can lead all to virtue if they’d head it’s guidance. Benjamin Franklin once so wisely esposed that vicous actions are not hurtful because they are forbidden, but forbidden because they are hurtful, they nature of man considered. This seems to be supremely true. Our nature’s and character are hurt by vice and that is why it has been considered vice, but so too many people seeing vice as the easier path convince themselves that vice is not harmful, but an arbitray and subjective dicate. So they commit the vice, and feels its painful effect. Hating the effect they desensitioze themselves, making themsleves less attuned, which leads to a positive -feedback loop of self-destruction. Heed the words, young childen. Heed the words of wosdom! Trust your nature, and do all that you can to preserve its senesitivity to things. Always stay open to your truest feeling and trust its guidance. In order to trust yourself though you must never trust yourself. Test these emotions. Test them by asking: does this feeling lead me closer to virtue or vice? With this in mind go forth and live abundantly!
• their and everyone else’s vice is correct and that their emotion response to it is wrong. You see this everywhere today. How can we ever achieve a genuine state of self-trust