I am very sensitive. My experience is all I know, so I could be wrong, but it seems that I am more sensitive than the average person. I am sensitive to food, light, art, sound, emotion, etc. I feel that nearly every stimulus has a noticeable impact on me. This is great in many ways: it’s the reason I am so attuned to myself—my likes and dislikes, my pleasures and pains. But today, I have also recognized that it has been the source of one of my greatest weaknesses.
I noticed it today when I had to get a lot of shots done for my "What is Autodidact?" video before sunset, and it seemed I wouldn’t make that goal. Immediately, I felt my internal states become pressurized, I was becoming short of breath, and my mental state frenetic. Once feeling this, the thing I wanted to do most was give up and ignore the fact that I had any responsibility. That has been my default pattern for years, and it felt like the most natural response. Thankfully, though, this is when I had my insight, and it helped me not to get discouraged but to persevere.
I recognized that although my sensitivity is a blessing, it comes with downsides too. The source of my creativity is simultaneously the source of the sloth that inhibits creative execution. The best way to handle this is to manage my stress by always doing the work in spite of the stress. In time, I’ll become familiar with the process, and everything won’t be so daunting and unknown. I’ll know what to expect and how to manage myself and my time.