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Any Interesting Dreams?
- God, I had the craziest dream last night. It was kind of Satanic. It really scared me. I thought at the time it was because I have been listening to John Frusciante again. But then I remembered I drank all that tea that makes you sleep deeply. Maybe the tea opened me up to the ‘dream/spirit’ realm and since I haven’t been in the greatest place that came through. I don’t know. I need you to show me the answers, but I’ll start by retelling what I remember of my dream.
- I do remember there being this really crazy occult religious artifact. It had sculpted legs and it moved in a triangle up into a heart. It had an hourglass bottom and they placed me in it for the ritual.
- I also thing I was led into the temple by Stew and Penny. They were the Satanic priests and I was really scared.
- They put me in the hourglass because I am the sacrifice tonight. I do think it was because I possessed something special spiritually too.
- The beautiful, though frightening religious object, was filled with alcohol. They said it was because it was a symbol for what would happen to me. That I would easily evaporate like the alcohol does and become one with the spirit realm.
- They started shaking the hourglass and were saying ritualistic words that would start an emotional response in me. If I remember correctly they kept trying to make me remember or think on certain things. Each time I could see how their prompt would lead to an evil thought eventually, so I kept trying to avoid the mental path they wanted me to take and would try to think on my own good and Godly things, but as they would shake me I always would get to evil thoughts and I’d start screaming and feel terrible fear and pain.
- I also remember waking up slightly and there actually was pain running from my feet to my head in a wave-like fashion. As I’d feel that pain course over me I would see the religious object turn change color and follow the same movement as my pain, but just through the hour glass.
- I remember there being lighting in the alcohol.
- I remember walking into the temple. it was creepy and I was scared, but also kind of excited. I think maybe because I thought we would do some perverse things in there.
- There was also a lot of dream before the temple that also scared me, but I can’t remember that now.
- Once I was overcome by evil thoughts, I woke up and was really scared there were demons in my room. Thought it was because of the music I’ve been listening to (and it may be) but it definitely has something to do with the tea too.
- There also was something important I can remember, about the relation of the feet/foundation of the tripod to the heart at the top. Maybe that it requires a first foundation to have a good heart?
Prayer to Begin Your Day?
- Dear God, help me to have a great and productive day. Help me to honor you with my life and my interactions with others. Give me the strength to do the work I need to do today, the work I have been putting off in my own weakness. Show me clearly how I can love you today please. Bless my Family and friends please. Bless me and grow me closer to you. I do love you Lord. I want to love you more and more and be radically transformed by such a deep love. Amen.
Morning Question, What Good shall I do this Day?
- The main priorities are that I:
- If I do all of this (and maybe more) it will be a great day.
Finish ARTH project.
Email it too White with explanation.
Come home and do Tea Ritual with Trevor.
Attend my ENGL class @November 27, 2023 9:30 AM (CDT).
What am I feeling today?
- I am feeling sad about the state of my Mother and I’s relationship. God, help me fix it, but now in a way where I have to tell her how she needs to act. Help me to fix it without having to “cast my pearls before swine.”
- Ultimately I think I have identified that for us to have a good relationship again she is going to have to come outside of herself and begin to take a genuine interest in me again. Lord give me a moment to express this to her once, in a way that I am not angry or passive aggressive and that I am able to express what I have observed without and frustration or anger towards her. Then, in the meantime help me to keep my heart open towards her. Please don’t make me close off to her. If I can keep my heart open I am sure that in time things can get better again. Lord, I pray that you draw her closer to me though. Right now it seems that she is not concerned what I do or what I care about, or whether she spends her time with me well or not.
- The sad thing is that we haven’t been nearly as close since this summer, when I set the hard boundary that she cannot talk to me negatively about my father. My relationship to him has greatly improved since then and my relationship to her has withered ever since. It’s sad that that was our relational lifeline. She never wanted to really hear what I had to say, she has always just wanted to talk to me. That is why is was always so frustrating to vent my heart to her or converse with her. Now I have just been avoiding the frustration. I don’t see the point of casting my pearl before swine, and yet I also don’t see the point of not being close to one’s mother in this life.
- Now, I find myself not wanting to listen to her or give her the respect she deserves. That is partly because I feel she refuses to evolve. I have felt this same frustration since high school. I have felt that my mother was just a continual broken record repeating the same stories over and over again.
- God, give me peace about our relationship please. Let it flourish into what it needs to be. At this point maybe I do not need such an intimate relationship to my mother anyway. Maybe the healthiest thing is that we know less of each other. Help me to love her when I am with her and serve her as best I can, aand if I do those things I can live with myself.
- On our phones calls I need to become more engaged. God, help me to listen and not be distracted when she calls.
Evening Question, What Good have I done to day?
- I finished my paper.
- I read Colloquia Personarum in Latin class today and got through six of them.
- I really felt fluent for a bit while I was reading. I didn’t have to puzzle over every word.
- Before my workout I didn’t waste much time.
- After my workout I became a little lazy.
And, What have I done Poorly to day?
- My workout needed more focus and intensity.
- I took a nap.
- I did not pay any attention to my mother on the phone today.
- I did not begin working on my ARTH project after I completed my paper.
- My expensive bike was stolen due to my negligence. Lord, forgive me for dragging my feet in life and not being more proactive. Help me to change my ways and take more action in my life.
Prayer to End Your Day?
- Dear Lord, help my mother in this season of her life. Help her to be growing and improving towards you and growing in her life. I know she is stressed right now and help me to have empathy for her. I have become more guarded around her, I feel because she has given me reason to do so. If I am acting wrongly, show me. Please heal Peter’s eyes and help the issue to not be serious. Help me to love everyone in my life better. Please help me fix my vices, my faults of character, so I can become a better servant for you and your kingdom. Bring my brother closer to you, my father and myself too. Make us good men of God. Help me to lead my closest friends to you as well. Lord, please give me the answers I need to make it through each day and always forward as you have always done for me. Amen.
What can I do and do better tomorrow?
- Listen better. Be mindful about being genuinely curious to every words someone speaks to me. I do believe that one of my corse ethics is to listen well. I do not believe that there is anything more important in this life than a human soul. It is my job to love them the best I can. The most basic form of love is to give someone your attention. My favorite thing is to be with others too, so why allow myself to be distracted by the cares of the day when there is a miracle of God standing and speaking to me.
- What can I do instead of taking naps? Walk. Maybe a cup of green tea. Maybe pushups, or jumping jacks.
- Tomorrow I should try to buy: Green tea, Chamomile tea (either from that American tea brand or Raw Egg Nationalist), and bike tires.
- Complete my ARTH first, hopefully before my class at 10:30.
- Study for Latin quiz after ARTH class.