I spent an hour writing my today’s journal: November 2, 2024. I had a lot to say and sadly didn’t finish. I will come back to it once I finish my Ralston Application Essay. Other than that I spent about 35 minutes reading No access. Also, talked to my friend Christopher Pinho for about four hours on the phone. It was one of the best conversations I have had in a long time. It was so good to connect with him again. He is one of the people I respect most in this life. He has done the hard work to develop a character truly worthy of respect.
I made great progress on my Ralston Application Essay today, working for approximately 170 minutes. I finished my outline and then broke down the outline into its six parts. After, I tried to tackle writing each part, one at a time. Breaking the project down like this really helped me begin. It no longer seemed so overwhelming. I have learned this many times, but still always forget to break a project down when I feel like avoiding it.
Today, I finally built my Digests page on my website. It is a simple solution, but I think an elegant one. Sometimes I find using “all the bells and whistles” in Notion can lead to a worse result. We’ll see how easy it is to maintain and whether or not I want to improve it in time.
I also worked a bit on Ralston Application Essay. I didn’t finish and I should have worked more on it, but something is better than nothing.
As more time passes it’s becoming clearer to me that the two greatest events in one’s personal history is there journey to their calling and their journey to their spouse. Maybe these are just the two obsessions of my soul only, but I doubt I’m the only one.
Another interesting thing is that my two greatest sins have always been Lust and Indolence. If you read any journal throughout my life, you’ll find my struggle to overcome these two vices written upon every page. It doesn’t seem coincidental to me that my two greatest struggles are diametrically opposed to the things I have always longed most for.
I feel I have finally broken free from those old and unprofitable ways. I feel so thankful for the freedom, discipline and power I feel now. I never thought in my life I would be this pure and this easily; never in my life did I think I’d be acting this disciplined, this easily. I am still a long way from my work standard, and there is still progress to be made towards purity too. But, all in all, I admire my actions right now and know they will lead to good fruits. I feel so blessed to have finally found wisdom.
This has me thinking too. Sure, it would be better to be born perfectly wise, but I can’t help but think that every time I sit at my desk and work, or any time I wake up early that is more beautiful because I know who I used to be. The fact that things have to unfold makes them more precious cause you have felt what it was like to lack that thing. To have a bad work ethic killed me and my soul, to have uncontrolled lust injured me, and both were hurting all those around me.
The fact that I can sit at my desk now and work focused for many hours is a miracle, and it gives me hope that one day I will find my wife and it will all be worth it. If I can sit at this desk now and work (something that I would have genuinely thought impossible in the past), then I can find the right girl in a special way (the thing I find impossible now). And when I find her, and I see all the pieces come together, it will be all the more sweeter for having waited, for having feared, for having doubted, and finally for having had faith.
