How much Should One read into Symbols.
Today, Trevor and I talked for a bit. We were discussing things of importance and of a spiritual nature, as usual. At one point we were discussing the importance of symbols and how much should we read into them. I am known for reading into things far too much. In some ways it doesn’t pose any problem and, therefore, is harmless. But there are other moments when I feel I am crazy because every bird or number I see has to mean something, I feel each thing I observe is a riddle intentionally posed to my soul for solving. This is just how I am. I have been wired this way since birth and, the thing is, there is no way to prove the meaning I attach to things as wrong. Actually, with enough time, I often find that the symbols and stories I tell myself culminate in something real. Some of the stories are odd and I couldn’t have fabricated them or forced them to come about. They come about naturally and once they do I see that I had a premonition they would because of these signs I observed in the past. The reason any of this matters is because I am in the midst of a very important and formative season. In this season, the future is completely uncertain, everything is potential, and I have to find the sturdy principles that I can live off of with faith that they will bring about the best possible future. For me, I it seems so apparent that I must live boldly, that I must live on the conviction that the feeling of Fate is true, that signs and symbols matter, that my Soul knows the path forward and that God’s hand is guiding it all. Practical people, worldly-wise people often think I am crazy. They can’t understand the principles I hold dear. To them everything is numbers, everything is logic. In there eyes, soul mates don’t exist, they are made. To them Fate has no force or sway over human action. I see their point of view. I think they might be right in my lowest moments, in the moments I lack faith, but, ultimately, when I consider which presuppositions I’d rather build a life upon, to me it seems so meaningless to live with their beliefs.
Maybe though, I am weak. Maybe I am just uncomfortable with stark reality, and maybe these deeper meanings and symbols are just my brains most creative attempt to cope with a reality I can’t face. I don’t think this is true though because like I have said, things have happened to me that are unexplainable. Each time a moment like that has happened too, it has been one of the most significant and meaningful moments of my life. To close myself off to the possibility of more of those moments seems more scary to me than anything, and that is why I have sincerely decided that I would rather live open to the inexplainable and potentially not achieve my desires, rather than take my life into my own hands simply for the guarantee of a certain future.
I want Love and a wife more than anything, but if that leads to me to do things I don’t want to do or compromise on values and standards simply to achieve that end, then I don’t think it’d be worth it for me. The funny thing is, I actually have a perfect symbol to express the way I feel about this whole situation— it is a symbol that was given to me to explain why I should put my faith in the symbols that are revealed to me. One night on my Summer 2024: Europe Trip, I went on a date with this beautiful, mature Argentinian woman. Our conversation that night revolved solely around finding love. We talked about all of the things I am discussing here: whether or not there is a one, whether or not Fate exists, whether or not one should take matters of Love into their own hands. She disagreed with me on most points, something I am used to. Once we parted our ways, the subways were closed, my phone was dead, and I didn’t have a key to our apartment. I had to find my way back home alone and without any help. To me, this was a perfect symbol for finding my way to my Love because the journey is uncertain, uncomfortable, necessary, and once you’re ready to enter into it you have no key and there is a chance you won’t get entry.
Want to take a break but… want to tell the story of the 20 dollar bill and one wheel today. Wanting to come home and look for release in vice. Knowing that it wasnt the answers that weakness never leads to stragnth and power. That there was only one way forward and that was to fill myself … the girl at the gas station maybe. picking up johnson’s sermons on a whim and opening to the perfect sermon.
Europe Series Ideas.
I just had the idea while writing the above passage that when I make my Europe Trip Video Series is should make two to three videos on each chapter, each video told from a completely different point of view.
For example:
- Carla and broken window
- Don’t take matters into your own hand
- Do take matters into your own hands
- Alyssa
- It happened the way it should’ve
- I made plenty of mistakes that should have been avoided
- I should have never even approached her
Sound Judgement.
talk about the tea bag I found